How do you and your Mother get on?

[Happy Maudlin]

Seems like most of us have complicated relationships with our mothers.
Everything was great until I was 8. I still remember the first day she
punched me in the mouth. Put my tooth right thru my lip. That went
on until I was 17. Never touched my sisters, never did it when my
dad was around. She hated me so much but I didn't now why, still
don't. Oh and EVERY sunday. For hours, dragging me around the
house by my hair, throwing me into walls, whatever. I'd be covered
with bruises, swollen lips, etc. And all the awful things she'd say.
My sisters would sit on the stairs crying. They were younger. When
I was 17 I said "I think I'm too old for this' and she said ok, and never
hit me again. But still the rages and hate. I used to cry myself to sleep,
she just HATED me and I didn't get it. I don't think things got better
until I was almost 30. A few years ago, I asked her why she did it.
She said it was because she was drunk. But that's a lie. So I guess I'll
never know. I just want to know what changed overnight.
My uncle was a Doctor, lost his license since, but I remember finding
a bag of 'samples' in her bureau, xanax, valium, etc etc. I told my dad
but he thought called me a liar. They always thought I was up to
something but I wasn't. Both of my younger sisters are drug addicts.
I don't know. I decided to move on. We get along great now, we're pretty
close...I just wish I knew what happened. What could I have done when I
was 8 that was so bad?

That's child abuse! I am very sorry that you went through this. How refreshing is it to be able to post this in a public forum like this and have sympathy evoked from strangers. And how sad is it that we can't even tell the ones closest to us, how we feel.
very sad indeed...

 

[MindlessRuffian]

Yes agreed. I don't think I've ever experienced such hate directed at me at any other time in my life.

At least we turned out to be nice people...

Cassius, glad you're still here.

The thing I don't understand is-don't they KNOW? I know when I say something mean to one of my kids (which really isn't even that mean) and I apologize.
I don't understand how they could not know what they were doing?

I can speak for anyone's mother but my own, but so many factors were involved in her behavior. Drinking, smoking weed, crack, money issues, I was the oldest and most easily held accountable, her 2nd husband beat her, etc. Also I got the majority of it because I was the oldest, a girl (she always wanted a boy), my personality is like my fathers and it clashes with hers and I look exactly like my father. Veronica (my sister) was my mom's little twin and Michel was the youngest and the only boy (also, the product of her 2nd marriage...no ties to my father).

Its a lot of things...

 

[snowfallsoon]

I can speak for anyone's mother but my own, but so many factors were involved in her behavior. Drinking, smoking weed, crack, money issues, I was the oldest and most easily held accountable, her 2nd husband beat her, etc. Also I got the majority of it because I was the oldest, a girl (she always wanted a boy), my personality is like my fathers and it clashes with hers and I look exactly like my father. Veronica (my sister) was my mom's little twin and Michel was the youngest and the only boy (also, the product of her 2nd marriage...no ties to my father).

Its a lot of things...

I know, they 'all' have their 'reasons' but you can't look at a small child, do that, and somewhere inside not know it's wrong.
Did she ever acknowledge it? Mine just blew me off....

 

[MindlessRuffian]

I know, they 'all' have their 'reasons' but you can't look at a small child, do that, and somewhere inside not know it's wrong.
Did she ever acknowledge it? Mine just blew me off....

Uhm...she "apologized" like 5 years ago. But then said she "couldn't be held accountable, really, because the drugs were acting"

 

[snowfallsoon]

Uhm...she "apologized" like 5 years ago. But then said she "couldn't be held accountable, really, because the drugs were acting"

My mom made up a drinking problem to account for it. She never drank.

And, ya, your mom is accountable.

 

[snowfallsoon]

That's child abuse! I am very sorry that you went through this. How refreshing is it to be able to post this in a public forum like this and have sympathy evoked from strangers. And how sad is it that we can't even tell the ones closest to us, how we feel.
very sad indeed...

It's ok really, i wasn't really looking for sympathy or anything, I think there are a lot of us who went thru some bad times with our parents.
Too many probably.

 

[Oh my god. it's Robby!]

ok, I read some of the other stuff in this thread, yikes people, yikes
I hope you all recover from these horrible horrors you spoke about
that stuff just aint right

 

[Lemon]

My relationship with my mother is pretty strained at the moment.
She has a boyfriend who she's been with for 4 years (they got together one month after her and my father split after 22 years of marriage). Why she's still with him is beyond my sister and I, she must be blinded by 'love' and afraid to be on her own.
He treats her like shite and he's been physical with her on a number of occasions. We're pretty sure from all the things several reliable people have told us that he cheats on her too. She's also got back into her gambling problem after almost going bankrupt when my sister and I were younger, and has been going through a midlife crisis for WAY too long (since before she split with dad so over 4 years). Just this past weekend mum packed up her stuff and left the boyfriend but was back with him by Monday (some crazy story about finding out he was cheating with an ex).
My sister and I are just fed up with it all .

 

[snowfallsoon]

My relationship with my mother is pretty strained at the moment.
She has a boyfriend who she's been with for 4 years (they got together one month after her and my father split after 22 years of marriage). Why she's still with him is beyond my sister and I, she must be blinded by 'love' and afraid to be on her own.
He treats her like shite and he's been physical with her on a number of occasions. We're pretty sure from all the things several reliable people have told us that he cheats on her too. She's also got back into her gambling problem after almost going bankrupt when my sister and I were younger, and has been going through a midlife crisis for WAY too long (since before she split with dad so over 4 years). Just this past weekend mum packed up her stuff and left the boyfriend but was back with him by Monday (some crazy story about finding out he was cheating with an ex).
My sister and I are just fed up with it all .

He hits her? Has she ever pressed charges? (probably no?)

 

[Cassius]

Yes agreed. I don't think I've ever experienced such hate directed at me at any other time in my life.

At least we turned out to be nice people...

Cassius, glad you're still here.

The thing I don't understand is-don't they KNOW? I know when I say something mean to one of my kids (which really isn't even that mean) and I apologize.
I don't understand how they could not know what they were doing?

Thanks.

My mom has severe mental illness. She's much better medicated now. When she's medicated I have an actual relationship with her. She tries hard now to be a good mom.

I do want to say, though, that I do love my mom a whole bunch and she does try really hard now.

 

[snowfallsoon]

I love my mom too..

 

[Lemon]

He hits her? Has she ever pressed charges? (probably no?)

Nope she's never pressed charges, we don't even know the extent of what's been going on as she wont tell us, or anyone really .
A few years ago they had a huge row and he got physical with her, and she climbed out the bathroom window to get away from him. Also, when they first got together one of my cousins went to visit her and she had a black eye, she said said it was from falling onto some rocks while trout fishing but there were no signs of scrapes etc, which is what you'd usually get if you fell face first on a bunch of rocks.
It's all very frustrating .

 

[snowfallsoon]

Nope she's never pressed charges, we don't even know the extent of what's been going on as she wont tell us, or anyone really .
A few years ago they had a huge row and he got physical with her, and she climbed out the bathroom window to get away from him. Also, when they first got together one of my cousins went to visit her and she had a black eye, she said said it was from falling onto some rocks while trout fishing but there were no signs of scrapes etc, which is what you'd usually get if you fell face first on a bunch of rocks.
It's all very frustrating .

Sorry, it sucks to watch that going on and be helpless to do anything about it.
Where they are living, is it 'his' place?

 

[Mad Vespa]

OMG ... that's is so literally what I feel it's quite uncanny ... I dread the phone call because we're out of touch and it WILL come at some point. I won't be going to the funeral and I know that's a WHOLE world of shit too.

Awww - thank you for making me not feel alone here x

 

[snowfallsoon]

OMG ... that's is so literally what I feel it's quite uncanny ... I dread the phone call because we're out of touch and it WILL come at some point. I won't be going to the funeral and I know that's a WHOLE world of shit too.

Awww - thank you for making me not feel alone here x

Sorry Mad Vespa

 

[Lemon]

Sorry, it sucks to watch that going on and be helpless to do anything about it.
Where they are living, is it 'his' place?

Yep they live at his place, they've also nearly finished building a new house which they half and half own. One of my big worries is that when/if this relationship implodes that she'll be left without any money etc, when her and my dad sold our old house they split the money and mum bought a convertible and to my knowledge put the rest into this new house .

 

[snowfallsoon]

Yep they live at his place, they've also nearly finished building a new house which they half and half own. One of my big worries is that when/if this relationship implodes that she'll be left without any money etc, when her and my dad sold our old house they split the money and mum bought a convertible and to my knowledge put the rest into this new house .

I wonder if that's her worry too....

 

[Lemon]

I wonder if that's her worry too....

I hope she thinks about money and having a nest egg, she turns 50 next month so should be thinking about it etc.
I think part of the problem is she was with dad since she was young, married 22 years then moved on a month later to this guy, she's afraid of being alone or some such.

 

[snowfallsoon]

I hope she thinks about money and having a nest egg, she turns 50 next month so should be thinking about it etc.
I think part of the problem is she was with dad since she was young, married 22 years then moved on a month later to this guy, she's afraid of being alone or some such.

Afraid to be alone at any expense...I'm just going to be nosy here but was this guy, the divorce, etc totally out of character for her?

 

[Lemon]

Afraid to be alone at any expense...I'm just going to be nosy here but was this guy, the divorce, etc totally out of character for her?

Mum's been going through a midlife crisis for nearly 5 years now, it started before her and dad split up and when she called me to tell me they'd split I wasn't altogether surprised, dad's set in his ways but mum was acting like a teenager, and still is (honestly it's gone on long enough!).
The thing that really threw my sister and I was the fact that she got together with this guy about a month after her and dad split up, and moved in with him a few months later when our old house was sold. It all seemed too fast but mum didn't seem to care, we told her what we thought but it's her life.
It's just so frustrating having a mother who acts like a teenager and doesn't see what's best for her etc. It's her life to ruin but man .