T
TeddyMorrissey
Guest
Dear Viewers
The weekend has come and gone but Saturday night lives on. No I didn't pull. No I didn't get into a fight. I just got drunk. You see because of my weight, it is advisable for me not to drink pints. As I am partial to Sweet Cider which is full of sugar, honey buns. So I drink alot of shorts. Now, usually I just stick to one or perhaps two variations of spirit in one night. Bacardi (Hurdy Gurdy) is alright to drink after say Drambui (MonkeyHangers) with either in smaller doses than the other. However on occasion, I have a mad night and have a few Hurdy's then maybe a few Jack Daniels, then maybe a Brandy, or a Malt Scotch then onto the MonkeyHangers. So of course conequencially I get Ratarsed rather quickly. Because of this I am unfortunatly liable to swear in womens company, or re-count how paying £19.25 for a ticket to see Moz at the Royal Court in November '99 is nothing to cry about. And that I would pay £50 a ticket to see Moz Live, unlike certain so-called fans I spoke to at the time. I even had half a mind to rush the dressing room for a moment in his presence - but for some strange reason I didn't. So there I was in the Vanser - a regular haunt of mine, talking to friends, pissed. Friends like Jeff and newly-found girlfriend Debbie. Yes Debbie who I called Donna, then Diane, then refered to her as Desirreeeeeee then Damien Omen II. I then re-counted the time an ugly looking woman that was at a party I was at, said she hadn't had sex in three years. So again at the time pissed, when she put her glass of larger or Cider - some honey coloured liquid on the coffee table, I got my knob out and proceeded to put it in her drink. Thus I thought remedying the problem at the time. Yet for some unknown reason Debbie didn't think this funny, and gave a digusted look and a gurgling noise like a drownding rat. I don't think Jeff was too pleased either, as a quiet "Getting to know you" nightout, turned horribly into a exert from Bernard Manning's memoires. Mind you, Jeff had only met her on New Years Eve, he went to bed with her at his houseparty on the 6th of Jan. I later the next day refered to the incident and him as a "Fast Worker". He beamed like a contented Bull after pleasuring many heffers' and the odd sow, and retorted "I must have me scratchings Ted, or I'll bust". I was sober when he said this at the time so diguised a laugh in the form of a chuckle. I was going to ask if he had used any form of protection as he may not be too aware of where she had been or who or what she had been with. But thought better of this, as yet another Bacardi was sank and a glass emptied. But back to this particular Saturday. I had onec told him that the few women I had been with, had brickwork marks on their arses, as allyways were a particular favorite place to procreate. The excitement of not knowing if a CCTV camera was watching every move, or listening to every grunt. The relief of the dark in the entry, as you don't have to look at them during the pleasurable deed. Somtimes I have to work fast at this point, as usually the drugs are wearing off. A little tip from a balding shiny-headed little halfling I onec met, with a small rattyface, a larger than life head and arms that reached the floor. He also went by the name of Geoff. Geoffrey Burrowmere, so called because he was always falling down for no apparent reason. Manholes and and Brewery cellers were a personal favourite of his. But he had his shiney head so he was never in the dark as he screamed for someone to get him out of the cavelike enviorement. This Geoff doesn't like caves, as I believe he was born in one. The long lost deep dank corrigated walls of the caves they called The Andersons. And when onec his parents were released from this dark abyss (as usually they were full of water in most parts), they saw what they had produced and were sorley tempted to enter back into the living hellish nightmare of the caves of Anderson, and drown the spawned fruit of their loins. Believeing it to be a re-born image of Belsebub or Ghoul-like creature. But overcome with guilt they thought better of this, and so behold the earth father of this terrible creature created a Dummy with a twelve-foot flange. The world was saved. This became a novelty, a baby's body and limbs with a twelve-foot Dummied flange that looked as though it was on a spring, gave much amusment and joy to passers-by who dared look in the hand cart that was the creatures pram. And to those in the long nights huddled by a fire that lit the caves shiney metal walls. The creature itself took solice from it. Through the eyes of this child, the world was made of light brown textured rubber, the flange was doing it's job of hiding the creatures face from an unsuspecting world. A world yet to know the horrors of the creature which was later to become "The Pouncing Geoff". By the time this creature was twelve, most of his hair had fallen out. So his Father visited the local glue factory, and from a horses main and Areldite, made long flowing hair for the child known as "The Geoff". He now posessed a woman's hair, that matched his woman's hands, and his woman's walk. And so it came to pass that the earth parents of "The Geoff", a woman splendent in his high-stilletoed patent court shoes, red long flowing dresses with plunging neck-line, and a faint whiff of Lily of the Valley emernating from those slightly tanned waxed legs, beheld the sight with sored blisterd eyes. A doctor was summoned and pronounced to the Swiss Family Williams, that they had produced the world's first deviant. This was diagnosed while the child was rotating this way and that on a fencepost. As well as the rotating "The Geoff" would often be seen stuffing oranges or grapefruits down the top of these, rather fetching cocktail dresses singing "I am a sherry drinker" to the tune of "I am a Cider drinker" originally sung by The Worzels. A game later to be known as Fencesitting. This was entered in the Summer Olympics of 2006 as a competetive sport. Winton of the Dale, a rather stupid looking peasant of lowly birth, would rise in this sport as champion for three score and ten. Thus becoming famous, and to go futher by hosting Supermarket Sweep, in his lowly, gruff, manly, uncouth voice that was dubbed.
Regards
TeddyMorrissey.
The weekend has come and gone but Saturday night lives on. No I didn't pull. No I didn't get into a fight. I just got drunk. You see because of my weight, it is advisable for me not to drink pints. As I am partial to Sweet Cider which is full of sugar, honey buns. So I drink alot of shorts. Now, usually I just stick to one or perhaps two variations of spirit in one night. Bacardi (Hurdy Gurdy) is alright to drink after say Drambui (MonkeyHangers) with either in smaller doses than the other. However on occasion, I have a mad night and have a few Hurdy's then maybe a few Jack Daniels, then maybe a Brandy, or a Malt Scotch then onto the MonkeyHangers. So of course conequencially I get Ratarsed rather quickly. Because of this I am unfortunatly liable to swear in womens company, or re-count how paying £19.25 for a ticket to see Moz at the Royal Court in November '99 is nothing to cry about. And that I would pay £50 a ticket to see Moz Live, unlike certain so-called fans I spoke to at the time. I even had half a mind to rush the dressing room for a moment in his presence - but for some strange reason I didn't. So there I was in the Vanser - a regular haunt of mine, talking to friends, pissed. Friends like Jeff and newly-found girlfriend Debbie. Yes Debbie who I called Donna, then Diane, then refered to her as Desirreeeeeee then Damien Omen II. I then re-counted the time an ugly looking woman that was at a party I was at, said she hadn't had sex in three years. So again at the time pissed, when she put her glass of larger or Cider - some honey coloured liquid on the coffee table, I got my knob out and proceeded to put it in her drink. Thus I thought remedying the problem at the time. Yet for some unknown reason Debbie didn't think this funny, and gave a digusted look and a gurgling noise like a drownding rat. I don't think Jeff was too pleased either, as a quiet "Getting to know you" nightout, turned horribly into a exert from Bernard Manning's memoires. Mind you, Jeff had only met her on New Years Eve, he went to bed with her at his houseparty on the 6th of Jan. I later the next day refered to the incident and him as a "Fast Worker". He beamed like a contented Bull after pleasuring many heffers' and the odd sow, and retorted "I must have me scratchings Ted, or I'll bust". I was sober when he said this at the time so diguised a laugh in the form of a chuckle. I was going to ask if he had used any form of protection as he may not be too aware of where she had been or who or what she had been with. But thought better of this, as yet another Bacardi was sank and a glass emptied. But back to this particular Saturday. I had onec told him that the few women I had been with, had brickwork marks on their arses, as allyways were a particular favorite place to procreate. The excitement of not knowing if a CCTV camera was watching every move, or listening to every grunt. The relief of the dark in the entry, as you don't have to look at them during the pleasurable deed. Somtimes I have to work fast at this point, as usually the drugs are wearing off. A little tip from a balding shiny-headed little halfling I onec met, with a small rattyface, a larger than life head and arms that reached the floor. He also went by the name of Geoff. Geoffrey Burrowmere, so called because he was always falling down for no apparent reason. Manholes and and Brewery cellers were a personal favourite of his. But he had his shiney head so he was never in the dark as he screamed for someone to get him out of the cavelike enviorement. This Geoff doesn't like caves, as I believe he was born in one. The long lost deep dank corrigated walls of the caves they called The Andersons. And when onec his parents were released from this dark abyss (as usually they were full of water in most parts), they saw what they had produced and were sorley tempted to enter back into the living hellish nightmare of the caves of Anderson, and drown the spawned fruit of their loins. Believeing it to be a re-born image of Belsebub or Ghoul-like creature. But overcome with guilt they thought better of this, and so behold the earth father of this terrible creature created a Dummy with a twelve-foot flange. The world was saved. This became a novelty, a baby's body and limbs with a twelve-foot Dummied flange that looked as though it was on a spring, gave much amusment and joy to passers-by who dared look in the hand cart that was the creatures pram. And to those in the long nights huddled by a fire that lit the caves shiney metal walls. The creature itself took solice from it. Through the eyes of this child, the world was made of light brown textured rubber, the flange was doing it's job of hiding the creatures face from an unsuspecting world. A world yet to know the horrors of the creature which was later to become "The Pouncing Geoff". By the time this creature was twelve, most of his hair had fallen out. So his Father visited the local glue factory, and from a horses main and Areldite, made long flowing hair for the child known as "The Geoff". He now posessed a woman's hair, that matched his woman's hands, and his woman's walk. And so it came to pass that the earth parents of "The Geoff", a woman splendent in his high-stilletoed patent court shoes, red long flowing dresses with plunging neck-line, and a faint whiff of Lily of the Valley emernating from those slightly tanned waxed legs, beheld the sight with sored blisterd eyes. A doctor was summoned and pronounced to the Swiss Family Williams, that they had produced the world's first deviant. This was diagnosed while the child was rotating this way and that on a fencepost. As well as the rotating "The Geoff" would often be seen stuffing oranges or grapefruits down the top of these, rather fetching cocktail dresses singing "I am a sherry drinker" to the tune of "I am a Cider drinker" originally sung by The Worzels. A game later to be known as Fencesitting. This was entered in the Summer Olympics of 2006 as a competetive sport. Winton of the Dale, a rather stupid looking peasant of lowly birth, would rise in this sport as champion for three score and ten. Thus becoming famous, and to go futher by hosting Supermarket Sweep, in his lowly, gruff, manly, uncouth voice that was dubbed.
Regards
TeddyMorrissey.
