Archive: Morrissey reviews the week's singles, Smash Hits 1984

From Sean:

During a weekend of sorting through endless boxes of tat, I uncovered this gem from a 1984 issue of Smash Hits. Read and nod.

 

[Deleted member 6305]

Thanks for sharing. If only he would do this now.

 

[Harsh Truth]

Thanks for sharing. If only he would do this now.

If he did this now, he would mercilessly rip apart 98.5% of the releases and probably make an ass of himself.

 

[Anonymous]

If he did this now, he would mercilessly rip apart 98.5% of the releases and probably make an ass of himself.

He mercilessly ripped apart most of these...

 

[Oh my god. it's Robby!]

that was a fascinating read, thanks
my favorite bit was him saying of Alphaville:
embody the frustrated ego of the massively untalented. Should have been drowned at birth

& I quite like some of their songs

 

[Anonymous]

If he did this now, he would mercilessly rip apart 98.5% of the releases and probably make an ass of himself.

I remember those years well. Level 42 and electronic pop and Heaven 17. Oh, what a nightmare (at the discos...)

I imagine that he would, in a kind way, rip apart any useless offerings of "2013" (for which there must be many takers) but (if they deserved it) he would also tell the truth, like it is, but in a kind way. That's one of the things that you can say about Morrissey, hat Morrissey is a man of his word, whether it is 1982 or 2013.

Hazard
UK

 

[HandThatRocksTheCradle]

Funny stuff. That Moz...what a charmer. Glad I didn't have him as a Creative Writing/English teacher in high school!
I could see his critique at the top of the paper: "C-Plus! You'll shoot your eye out...as well you should!! Both eyes!"

 

[Uncleskinny]

There's another set of Moz single reviews in the UNCUT Smiths special, out recently.

P.

 

[Oh my god. it's Robby!]

There's another set of Moz single reviews in the UNCUT Smiths special, out recently.

P.

a link would be nice if so, then thanks

 

[Anonymous]

Choosing Duran Duran over Prefab Sprout?? Surely this must have been sub'ed to death...?

 

[Uncleskinny]

a link would be nice if so, then thanks

I'm cutting back on the scans. There's been more than one occasion recently where copyright claims have meant I'm more careful what I put up now. It's not the original, it's a typographically different rewrite. Still funny though.

P.

 

[MORRIZSEY]

I'm cutting back on the scans. There's been more than one occasion recently where copyright claims have meant I'm more careful what I put up now. It's not the original, it's a typographically different rewrite. Still funny though.

P.

I hope the editor of Smash Hits isn't reading this thread

 

[Uncleskinny]

I hope the editor of Smash Hits isn't reading this thread

Somewhat moribund, I would guess.

P.

 

[Anonymous]

I can't believe Morrissey liked a Duran Duran song...but I'm glad because I think that "Wild Boys" is f***ing awesome and they made a video!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M43wsiNBwmo

 

[Playcat2000]

Thanks for sharing this! Morrissey cracks me up.

 

[stonyhanda]

" He sounds like he's about to begin his third year in bed" HA HA HA HA ... brilliant.

 

[johnnymunro]

Great post - Thank you.

 

[Justin Playfair]

Wow, Morrissey's poison pen was certainly full of venom on most of these reviews! It was fun reading this. Thanks for posting this Sean. I can't believe he praised Duran Duran's truly awful "The Wild Boys." I've disliked that song ever since it first vomited out of the radio. Oh well, just a difference of opinion.

 

[Girlmostlikely]

"One would hear more vocal passion from an ape under anesthetic" Oh, Morrissey! Haha!

Thanks for this scan! I've never read this one, just hilarious!!

 

[CrystalGeezer]

Morrissey's hilarious. I suddenly feel particularly not hilarious.

He should review something. He should just blog or write about the weather like the Blue Velvet guy or SOMETHING. Words flow from him like water from a tap.