Post Whatever You Are Thinking At This Very Moment

I just received the paper I ordered. It's half the pages it was supposed to be. They didn't have the type I ordered, so I agreed to a different type, but they didn't tell me it'd be the same price, for half as much paper. The things I do to paint!
 
I was thinking about what someone said earlier about the passing of time. I'd define my depression as the passing of time. It's not people or friends I'm grieving, it's the hours and minutes. I mourn. Sadness is nothing more than the passing of time. There'll be no time where we go to next and so there will be no sadness.
Mourning time to f*** around.
 
Life is getting better the more I've stayed around. You would have thought I'd have become fed up of life and people by this time but I haven't. I'm still not particularly enamoured with life but I'm impressed with how people cope with it. I'm impressed how we all manage to stay sane and reasonably civil when the odds are so irreversibly stacked against us. Despite a malevolent force up there, we manage to coexist. Without much help from anywhere else we've managed to stay civil and not end up killing each other. We've overridden our natural inclination to get rid of everyone who seems a threat. I'd say we've done pretty well without any proper guidance. I can wake up tomorrow and not feel threatened and not fear for my life. Despite the hardships man has to go through he hasn't imploded upon himself. Is there a god? Does it matter? We've looked after ourselves for long enough. On the whole, we've done a cracking job. When God has absented himself for so long and we've learnt to do without him he has no right to show his face. And we have every right to be happy with the way we've conducted ourselves. God left the party too soon. He is now defunct. I can wake up tomorrow in my own bed and feel safe. God didn't do that for me. My fellow man and woman did it for me. Somewhere along the way we learned to look after ourselves and on the whole I think we've done it quite well.
Haha, yes, who did he think he was, God?
 
Written word
Can't get up the nerve
To put pen to paper
Do me a favor
And write your heart out
If you want some clout
Better to paint porn
Than to toe the lines of the norms
Violence is deemed okay
While lust decays
 
I'm more than impressed with the way my fellow man treats me. It's a kick in the teeth for mother nature who'd see you scrapping to the death if she had her way. Every day you walk out of your door and coexist with the people around you, you defy mother nature. You resist your natural instinct to do away with everyone or everything that stands in your way. You use your brain. I saw the squirrels fighting today in the park. They have no idea that another squirrel might have the same needs and feelings as them. It's demoralising, in a way. Dumb creatures aren't aware that anything else exists outside of themselves. Animals and feral creatures don't make me feel close to nature. They bring home the fact that life is impersonal. I'll never forgive animals for distrusting me. I don't like them. People are hard enough to get close to. I don't need squirrels disowning me too.
I've been loved by a canary, a dog, and a cat. And, come to think of it, a squirrel, who used to take nuts from my fingers on the balcony, where I used to live. Humans, I have felt love from too. I want more.
 
I like feeding my squirrels on the Arboretum. It gives me something to do. For a while it gives me a sense of power knowing they need food and I can give it to them. But after a while, it becomes as shallow as everything else in life. They may be fluffy and cute and entertaining to a degree, but theyre nothing more than that. I don't mean anything to them and they don't mean anything to me. Whereas people do. They have feelings and real emotions. People can be hurt and they can have their hearts broken. That never happens to a squirrel.
How would you know, have you been a squirrel?
 
I don't like nature. I don't like watching natural history documentaries. I don't like observing the way wild animals behave. I don't like the way animals are so selfish and unfeeling. I don't like the thought that a god could have made animals behave in this way. I've often wondered why life has to be contentious. Why does it have to be a fight? Who made the rules up? Who ever said that you should come into this world feeling as though you weren't equipped to cope with it? Whoever said that was fair, right, or proper.? Whoever was it who said that you don't have a right to have everything you need and not have to do anything you don't feel like doing? Give me one good reason why you shouldn't have and expect everything you wish for and nothing you don't desire?
My dog didn't like baths, but he'd jump for joy once it was over.
 
You have every expectation of getting what you wish for. You should not have to wait for anything. You are not a bad person. You are a human being. Everything you need (and everything you want) should be given to you, unconditionally. You have every right to feel happy and no cause to feel sad. Everything should be given to you and nothing denied. You have no reason to prove your worth, you have no reason to ask for the things you were made to want (or need). You have every right to have whatever you want. You have every right to have whatever you feel you need. You have every right to lead a life free of worry and hardship. You have no business being hard done to. Ask yourself what you ever did to deserve to suffer?..... Nothing.
The original sin, is man ejaculating.
 
I'm of the opinion that life should be as easy as possible. I'm of the opinion that you don't need to face adversity to become a better person. You don't need to go through hardship to care about other people. You don't have to suffer to know how others feel. I'd say you're a better man if you can appreciate the plight of others without having to have had to suffer what they've been through. But always remember, pals. you have every right to feel happy. You weren't put here to feel sad. It's not nice to feel that way. It's upsetting. I'll say it again. It's not your business to feel sad. It's more than you can cope with. If ever sadness seems to overwhelm you it's someone else's fault or 'something' else. You weren't put on this Earth to suffer. You have every right to be happy and you have every right to enjoy yourself.
I'm going to take this information to the painting table this evening.
 
I feel like celebrating, with someone compatible, painting together. But then I remember seeing Strathcona park, from the bus, and all the tents and campers of the homeless, and my loneliness becomes an enviable luxury. 🙁
 
what would y'all say is the time period this jacket refers to? is it victorian? i cant tell. i had this marni jacket once, except way better because it was in red velvet, not whatever this material is. i still have it actually but it's in storage in vancouver so who knows when ill ever see it again. im just glad i stored it and didnt give it to the thrift shop.

 
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