Meatus Murder

Putting ferrets down your pants? Surely that's animal cruelty, right? After reading this, I completely changed my mind--it's human cruelty.



"Why," Reg roared again, "I had 'em hangin' from me tool for hours an' hours an' hours! Two at a time — one on each side. I been swelled up big as that!" Reg pointed to a five-pound can of instant coffee.

Some very big Yorkshiremen stood around us in the pub. Some of them claimed they had bitten the heads off sparrows, shrews, and even rats, but none of them would compete with Reg Mellor. One can only wonder what suffering might have been avoided if the Argentine junta had been informed that sportsmen in England put down their pants animals that are known only for their astonishingly powerful bites and their penchant for insinuating themselves into small dark holes. Perhaps the generals would have reconsidered their actions on the Falklands.


You have no idea how long I've been waiting to use that as a headline for something. Don't get it? Google it.


My secret's my enzyme.
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