Take The Easy Way and Give In......Again

After many,many months of abstaining I failed at something once again.I turned to the razor again.I guess I took the easy way out.Instead of trying to deal with pain inside I hurt myself on the outside.The feelings I feel inside are more painful than the wounds I inflict on myself on the outside.Sometimes I feel like I can`t feel anything anymore.... pleasure,happiness,pain,sadness.I don`t know what feels worse feeling like you are in the darkest place in the world or feeling numb and feeling nothing at all.

At times I feel like I am just sleepwalking through life.Not really participating or able to experience life.I don`t like feeling this way at all but I really don`t know how to change my situation.Maybe this new med combination will help.I really don`t know right.All I know is that I am so,very sorry for messing up again.:(:(

Comments

scumbag
dear tibby,

i used to SI - self-injure - a LOT. all i can say is a little bit cut up is better than dead. you DID make it several months without cutting, which is pretty impressive when you're first trying to get out of it. and feeling numb gets tiresome.. oh believe me do i ever know. you don't have to be sorry because you're trying so hard. maybe too hard? i dunno how much pressure you're putting on yourself, but it sounds like it could be a lot. am i wrong?

yours in morrissey and stuff,

s.
 
Tibby
Hello S.
Thanks for your reply.Before stopping for awhile I used to SI quite a bit too.In fact it was my main way of coping.I suppose I just felt bad for turning to SI again.I know you are right though.It's better than being as you said a little cut up than dead.I was putting a lots of pressure on myself not to do it and I tried my best to okay.But as I keep everything inside the pressure builds up and I hurt myself again to let it out.

Thanks Again for your reply.

Tibbs
 
scumbag
i'm around and about if you wanna message me :)

hope you're having a better day today :)

s.
 

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