No sleep tonight I guess.Maybe the meds will kick in a little later but then again maybe they won`t. I lay down and close my eyes..... the thoughts keep spinning around my head.I can`t rest or relax. I want to sleep and at least have some peace from this.But of course I just can`t stop them.
I started with a new therapist.I couldn`t keep seeing the last one because he wasn`t covered anymore. I was comfortable with him.The new one ....well she seems nice.I just wished I lived in a world where these things weren`t necessary.I`m not so good at conversations with strangers. I consider myself a pretty awkward person.I wish I wasn`t but that`s the way it is.
My anxiety has been high lately. I feel so useless because of it. Tonight I even tried my usual way of coping but it didn`t seem to work, in fact it didn`t work. I go from feeling really,really sad to sometimes feeling nothing at all ,with sometimes bursts of energy in between.My psych told me I was a rapid cycler in this bipolar thing.
I just want to roll myself up in a little ball and hide away for a while.I want to escape this hell that goes on in my head for a while.I just want a little peace of mind and I don`t want to scar up my arms and legs for it anymore. I would love to know what it was like not to have this inside of me anymore.
I feel guilty for feeling this way.I know there are people that have it harder than I do and don`t have a supportive family the way that I do.I feel guilty for being so useless and good for nothing.Because some simple things like stepping out of the house to go grocery shopping can seem so difficult for me. I just feel so stupid for stuff like that.
I just told my mom the other day I`m just so tired.
I started with a new therapist.I couldn`t keep seeing the last one because he wasn`t covered anymore. I was comfortable with him.The new one ....well she seems nice.I just wished I lived in a world where these things weren`t necessary.I`m not so good at conversations with strangers. I consider myself a pretty awkward person.I wish I wasn`t but that`s the way it is.
My anxiety has been high lately. I feel so useless because of it. Tonight I even tried my usual way of coping but it didn`t seem to work, in fact it didn`t work. I go from feeling really,really sad to sometimes feeling nothing at all ,with sometimes bursts of energy in between.My psych told me I was a rapid cycler in this bipolar thing.
I just want to roll myself up in a little ball and hide away for a while.I want to escape this hell that goes on in my head for a while.I just want a little peace of mind and I don`t want to scar up my arms and legs for it anymore. I would love to know what it was like not to have this inside of me anymore.
I feel guilty for feeling this way.I know there are people that have it harder than I do and don`t have a supportive family the way that I do.I feel guilty for being so useless and good for nothing.Because some simple things like stepping out of the house to go grocery shopping can seem so difficult for me. I just feel so stupid for stuff like that.
I just told my mom the other day I`m just so tired.
