Life Is Very Long When Your Lonely

I can`t help feel that way tonight. I was just sitting here and a feeling of dread washed over me. I have my family and I love them but I can`t help feeling so lonely. When it gets dark it gets worse . I hate the night. My day went well enough but these awful feelings take over at night. I feel so unhappy. At times it feels like there isn`t any relief.

I feel that I don`t serve any purpose in this life. I am nothing, no one. I sometimes wonder why I was put on this earth. I feel depressed most of the time and when I`m not feeling depressed I am irritable. I take the meds but I really don`t know if they are really doing anything. I really don`t have a social life except for one friend I`ve had since high school. I leave the house so infrequently that my psychiatrist prescribed vitamin d for me. I am sad and empty at the same time. My coping mechanisms are unhealthy . I have no way to release these feelings so they stay stuck inside me. They tell me how useless I am and what a nothing I am.

I have to take pills to sleep at night. It`s extremely difficult to sleep without them. It`s been like this for years and I don`t see it changing anytime soon. My thoughts race and I toss and turn if I don`t take those pills. My thoughts are filled with dread and I worry about everything under the sun. It`s all worse at night.

I don`t know why I am writing all this right now. I guess I just want all of it to go away and leave me alone. I want peace of mind most of all. I think of all the time that has passed and I think of what might of been if I had not become ill. What would my life be like right now ? Would I be happy ?

All this sometimes makes me want to turn to my old way of coping. I know that won`t solve anything though. It is only a temporary fix that doesn`t last very long. I miss it though as strange as that is to say. It did make me feel better for a moment.

I think I`ll go to bed in a little while. Sometimes sleep is my only escape.

Comments

Well I don't like it but I think you know what I mean when I hit the like button
 
Thank you No1uno. :):)
 

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Tibby
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