Just Sad .....

And empty and lonely.

My day started out nice.We went to see my little niece get an award at her school then we went to breakfast.I don`t know what the hell it is with me but my depression tends to get worse as the day goes on.I feel worse at night.I just lay in bed staring at the tv waiting for the meds to put me to sleep.I feel like it`s not a life.The thing is I`m tired.Tired of waiting for the meds to work.I don`t want to admit it but sometimes I get tired of just trying to be ok.It`s really hard when there is all this stuff going on in my head.It`s hard to concentrate on anything.It`s hard to feel sad all the time,it`s hard to feel empty and numb a great deal of the time.It`s hard to remember the last time I really felt alive and awake.I feel like I`m sleepwalking through life.I want to enjoy and participate in life but my head is filled with anxious and worried thoughts.Maybe life is just like this for some people....people like me.I don`t want to accept that and I don`t want to live my life like this.I want to enjoy the blue sky and the people I love.I want to be better for them.I just don`t know how to get better.

Comments

Ambra
Hi dear,
if you want to be better you'll be better. Writing on your blog about how you feel and opening up about your emotions is a brave thing and if it helps alleviate your pain then it's even better. Try focusing on positive things in your life and doing some activities that can make you feel accomplished. Find something that can distract you from the negative thoughts, sorround yourself with people you trust, your family for example. The real change must come from within, so be strong and be positive. I know loneliness is terrible, i don't have friends as well but i'm grateful to have a family and few people i can really trust. You seem a sweet and sensitive person and i'm sure you have a lot to offer.
 
No1uno
I think about how powerful and helpful it may be for you to write what you feel. I feel reasonable and normal but clearly I do what I think is powerful and helpful for me too.

Subconsciously though, I read what you write and it crosses my mind about what positivity I feel in my life and write in my blog. I ask myself, is it an example of my perception that life is good or is it a smack in the face of someone who suffers so much as you do. I don't or no one should want another to feel bad. So maybe I feel this way because I don't pay attention or care enough in real life to associate with people who feel so bad. But it comes up because I have chosen to read the blog area where I have gotten to read the regulars.

This is not bad, so maybe thank you for enlightening me to such suffering as I do not really ever get close to anyone who has expressed such an illness to me. I only infer closeness by your sharing in the blog

I think this is just the paradox of blogs and the differences in lives. Maybe this response isn't expressed in a way you understand (I barely understand it) but it's the best I got now.

Take care.
 

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Tibby
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