So Far From Where I Intended To Go
- Author Tibby
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I`m tired of living in the rollercoaster that is my brain.I really feel like I am losing it.I feel like I am an exposed nerve.It has come crashing hard this time.Everything just hurts so f**cking bad.I want to curl up in a ball and die.I want to disappear.Sunday was really bad for me.I just...
I am constantly exhausted.All I want to do is sleep.I said before that sleep is my only solace but sometimes I don`t even have that.I`ve been having nightmares some nights.The anxiety attacks have been coming again usually at night.
I just want to hurt myself so badly.I want to feel...
I went to see my therapist today.I answered all his questions honestly.I told him how I feel like I`ve been getting worse.He told me he was sorry I was feeling this way.He asked me about the racing thoughts.I told him that they bother me so much sometimes,that I just want everything to stop.It...
I have things that I remember;I`m not sure if they really happened.I remember these dark corridors and I remember doctors being there and I was little.It bothers me because I`m not sure if they are real or not.When I was a little kid I used to have a phobia about doctors and dentists.I don`t...
I`m trying to keep myself together.It gets harder everyday.Right now I`m really scared.I feel like I`m going to lose it.It keeps building up and I`m afraid I`m going to burst.I`ve been having these dreams/nightmares of being confined in a mental hospital.I am so afraid of that.I don`t want to...
Yesterday was a nice day.I was really thankful for it.Those days
are few and far between.I`ve just been thinking about things a lot.We were looking at some old family photo`s alot of them had my paternal grandmother in them.We lost her a few years ago to cancer.She was always such a strong...
I wonder to myself.When will all of this go away?When will it end?I`ve been suffering from this for years.I see the doctors,take the meds.I try to keep myself busy.I try so hard.Why won`t this end?I`ve heard everything from " you are not trying hard enough" "maybe if you went to church...
:love::love::love::love::love:
Submission~Sex Pistols
Beat My Guest ~Adam Ant
Tomorrow~Morrissey(I know you don`t mean it)
Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?~Culture Club
Alsatian Cousin~Morrissey(bring me home and have me)
Suedehead~Morrissey (it was a good...)
Master and...
My best friend is silver and sharp.I`ve missed him but he`s come back again.
I`ve tried so hard to hold on. I know it`s not the answer.I know that very well.I`ve just ruined it again.I hadn`t done it since October.It called me again.It will be okay he said.I will make you feel better and he...
I have been trying my best to keep going these days.Somedays are better than others.The worst day`s it`s a struggle just to get out of bed.All I want to do is sleep because I feel it makes the time pass faster.It really sucks when I can`t sleep because I`m so wound up and all I can hear is the...
I know I haven`t written a blog entry in some time.Some things have changed some have remained the same.
As my psychiatrist has suggested I have started therapy.I found it really difficult at first but it has gotten better(the therapy I mean)
I have been getting by and it`s been ok at...
I think I really am f***ed up.I feel like I don`t know which way is up and which way is down.I have hurt myself twice this week.I have let everyone down and disappointed them.I am a colossal f**k up.One minute I`m up in the clouds,the next I`m lower than low.I can`t sleep I can`t rest.The noise...
I`m trying,I`m trying so hard.I know I say that a lot but it`s true.I try to keep busy with cleaning organizing.I want things to look nice and tidy.Yes lots has to do with my ocd.But I try to keep busy to keep the thoughts from invading my mind.The thoughts that tell me what a...
Spent all night cleaning and organizing because I wanted my bedroom to look perfect.I even organized my closet.Everything had to be folded in a certain way or I would start all over again.My ocd rearing it`s ugly head.Needless to say I am now exhausted.When I talked to Mom this morning she asked...
Went to my psychiatrist on wednesday.I told him how I have been feeling ....very up and down.He changed one of my meds.I have been on it before.I`m just hoping it goes okay and maybe helps.
It`s almost 2 in the morning and I`m still up.Got a slow start today.Just felt very sluggish.I`m...
I`ve been thinking about this a great deal.I used to think I was fine with it but as time goes on I have changed the way I feel.I decided a long time ago that I would never be vulnerable to anyone.This was a way to deal with my fear of rejection.I would never allow anyone to hurt me.In turn I...
Took out the little plastic box that I keep underneath my bed.The one that I keep all the things that I will need to make those thoughts go away.In it I keep my razor blades and my band aids.
Carving on my arms and legs.Please make those thoughts go away.I want to breathe.I want to sleep.I...
So I went to my psych a week ago.I told him I`ve been up and down.At one moment I can`t stop crying and the next I`m laughing like crazy.I`ve been told that they never know what kind of mood I`m going to wake up in.He put me back on the med that I went off cold turkey.The withdrawal symptoms...
I`ve been trying so hard.Trying to keep busy and not let my head get the best of me.Everybody around me have said you`ve been doing so well.I really was starting to feel some sense of maybe being a little more normal.I don`t mean I was totally cured or anything but I was feeling a little bit...
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