So Far From Where I Intended To Go
- Author Tibby
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I usually keep things inside.Sometimes the only way they come out is through thse words I write or the cuts and scars on my arm.My self inflicted wounds speak for me. They say what I can`t.I feel like I am trying to make my outsides match with my insides.Inside I feel ugly and hurt.I feel like I...
Are you still cutting yourself?
Me~Ummm
You have to stop that.
Me~Ok,ok,ok,ok
Earlier......
Why do you cut yourself?
Me~ It makes me feel better when I feel really bad
How can that be?
Me~It`s a release for me
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My soul and spirit are even exhausted.It`s very hard to sleep with the med changes.I want a safe , soft place to rest.I want it to be peaceful and quiet.I hate the loudness inside my head.The racing thoughts that torment me to no end.I`m tired of trying.My body aches and is exhausted.I find it...
I`m having a lot of difficulty getting through everyday life these days.Some days the thoughts in my head go so fast and won`t stop.I talk too fast and can`t sleep.Other days getting out of bed seems like a daunting task.It feels like my head is full of fuzz and I can`t think.I lie in bed and...
I was up all night again.That makes day two without sleep.You would think I would be dead tired but no I was wide awake and things were going fast again or as they say manic.I was talking too much and too fast.My mother confirmed this when I asked her about this.It`s odd for me because I`m a...
I feel so sad.I`m afraid the tears will start spilling at any moment.I don`t want that to happen.I really hate to cry in front of other people.I guess it`s because crying feels like weakness to me.The doctor has adjusted my meds a bit.I really don`t know which is worse the medication making you...
I saw my psychiatrist on tuesday.I was honest with him about what a difficult time I`ve been having.My insomnia is really becoming unbearable.As I sit here and type this I haven`t slept in two days.My anxiety has also become harder to deal with.On saturday while grocery shopping,I became very...
I wanted quiet and peace.Sometimes I cannot stand loud noises.It wasn`t outside noises bothering me the night before last.It was the noise inside my head that would not let me be. I just want you to stop,I want you to go away but you won`t.Fast,fast,fast you`ll keep going until I do something to...
I feel such an intense emptiness inside.I feel like there is a giant hole in my heart.I feel so incredibly alone. I do have my family and I love them. This is a different kind of loneliness. It`s only recently that this feeling has become so strong.I guess you could call it a longing for...
I couldn`t stand it anymore.I can`t sleep.I feel so tired all the time.I am numb and empty.I just wanted to feel something.I wanted to feel alive.I needed some relief.
I took my razor blade from the little plastic box.I sat on my bed for a bit holding the blade between my fingers.I had to...
I need to put my life back together.Was it ever together?My therapist and my family suggest that I try to go back to school. I`ve been thinking about it and I also thought it might be a good idea.Honestly though it fills me with dread. These thoughts have been running through my head.I believe...
After quite a while of not hurting myself,I gave in again.It called and called me.But the urge was so,so strong.I just needed it so badly.I had to let everything out that I was holding inside.I can`t let those things out with words,I just can`t. I`ve been trying so hard,I`ve been trying so...
I`ve been getting by I guess. I think I`ve been trying more than I ever have before.It`s okay sometimes and sometimes it`s not. I want to do so much and my body,my brain won`t let me.I don`t have a great deal of energy.I love to read and there are days when I just can`t.It`s really...
Some of the time I feel so empty. I`ve done nothing with myself.I wonder why I was put here.I don`t belong anywhere.I `ve never fit in anywhere.Is everyone else right?Do I need to try harder?I don`t want to whine or complain about it but here it sits.I know you can`t see it,but you sure can feel...
I just want to sleep all the time.I really don`t care to leave the house all that much either.I haven`t been to the movies since about November.I feel so tired all the time.Ironically the way this sh*t works over my head sometimes I can`t sit still and my anxiety is so high I shred my cuticles...
This is taking a toll on me and affecting my physical health.I saw the doctor earlier this week and it wasn`t good.I`m trying to get my head around it.Honestly it`s just made me even more depressed.They had to do a test on me right there in the office.It was terribly uncomfortable to me ,mainly...
It`s a little after 2:30 in the morning here and I`m a little too..ummm I don`t know to sleep.I have all these thoughts running in my head and I guess they must come out somehow.I have been thinking a great deal about the future and a lot about the past.I never thought I would be here at this...
Sometimes I`m so numb I can`t feel a thing.It`s just a great sense of emptiness. I can`t feel pleasure or even pain.There are times when everything just hurts so much I wonder if I want to or if it`s worth it to keep going on.Simple everyday things have become difficult.I don`t want to leave the...
It`s getting to be too much for me.The depression,the anxiety,my very noisy head.
I left the house to run some errands.I couldn`t get anything done because I had a panic attack.It was so bad that my mom asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital.I just took my an ativan.
I have no energy.I...
The darkness is taking my head.
I feel so hopeless and I don`t know where to turn anymore.I try to keep going but it gets harder every day.I find it difficult to make simple everday desicions.It just seems like everything takes enormous effort.I just sit at the edge of my bed and try to...
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